I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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