Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
