He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
