I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
it's like iHOP with fire
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
