I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
