At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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