Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Sober January is a disaster.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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