you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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