you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
We don't watch enough power rangers
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
