you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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