that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
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Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
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My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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