It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
