R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Randomize