He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
