WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I just found a bag of teeth...
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
