i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
