I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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