I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Is it because I queefed?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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