he looks like a really good dad on facebook
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
