Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
