There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
