i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize