the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
