i can't believe i had my finger in that
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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