It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Floor bacon is actually really good
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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