just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
