to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
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