Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
