I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
