I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
