I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
