Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Randomize
