I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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