What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
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Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
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Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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