Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
