I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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