did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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