I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I'm too high and old for this...
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
