if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
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friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
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I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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