Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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