Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
