So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
