We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
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But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
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You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
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