ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
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