A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
