then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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