Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
