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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
