I'm laying in your front yard are you home
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
