But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
