today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
