I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Found the puke drawer
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
