The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
