tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
