like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
