I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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