"it" just moved
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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