When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize
