funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
