Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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