Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Shame - the story of my life.
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