So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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