Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
