Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
