PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
