Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
